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I checked my mailbox many months later. The
Saintmail site was working again, and I had a bunch
of spam -- but the following two letters caught my eye. The reply-to line
of the first said it was from “Jek Porkins,” which I assume is a handle of
sorts, since it was signed “Sasha.”
To: spew@saintmail.net
Subject: Just a note to say hi
CC:
Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2001 19:27:53 -0400
Hi. I ran into one of your reviews on amazon.com, and I thought I'd
just drop a line. Your story really touched me, and made me sad,
that you could be so alone. . . it seems a great tragedy. I just
wanted to let you know that you are not totally alone, that your
story has touched me. I'm only sorry I'm not able to do more.
Write back if you wish, I will reply. God bless.
Sasha |
As
if I didn’t feel badly enough, then came the kind letter from Hermester
Barington:
To: spew@saintmail.net
Subject: Hello again
CC:
Date: Mon, 15 Oct 2001 18:50:40 -0400
Dear Ms. Pew:
Please forgive the previous e mail, as I sent it before it was
completed (or even written, for that matter!)
I have found your reviews helpful in the extreme--oops, please
pardon my pun! The review I found the most helpful, of course, was
your review for
_How to Good-Bye Depression : If You Constrict Anus 100 Times
Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?_. I was taught this very same
method by a Mayan priestess some years ago; they use it in
conjunction with hallucinogenic mushrooms, and it both relaxes and
refreshes, and opens up your mind and bowels. I also enjoyed your
review of Jim Nabors' album; he is one of my favorite singers. No
one could cause a room and its contents to vibrate as well as he
could!
Like yourself, I live in the mountains; I was born and raised in the
Catskills, but my wife and I currentlyreside in the Santa Monicas.
There is something about the upper reaches of the earth that the
flatlands don't have; I never go into the plains unless I have to (I
guess you might say that I'm a bit agoraphobic). I spend my time
hunting for hitherto unknown protozoa and investigating hauntings.
I'm glad to know that a person as interesting as you exists, and I
would be honored if you would add my name to your amazon.com page.
I will visit your page regularly, and perhaps when next I am out
that way we
can get together and listen to some Jim Nabors, and I can introduce
you to the music of Zamphyr, master of the pan flute (if you do not
already know his music of course!)
All the best,
Hermester |
I
felt guilty, but also rather elated. My Sarah (my invention!) is a
sympathetic figure who elicits love from strangers. Nobody ever writes me
those kinds of letters. Nobody ever says to me, as Hermester did to
Sarah, “I’m glad to know that a person as interesting as you exists.”
Come to think of it, I’m a bit jealous of Sarah.
Not to reply would be, I think, unkind. So:
Dear Sasha --
Thank you for your nice email. You are very kind and it makes me
happy to know people are out there thinking of me sometimes.
I am happy to say I did not reply to your email right away because I
was on a cruise. I had a nice time there and met several penpals.
My life is filled with letters and writing. I also am in a book
club.
From Sarah |
 The
Hermester letter, though, made me doubtful. “Mayan priestess?" “Zamphyr,
master of the pan flute?” Was a stranger funning Sarah, or perhaps -- me?
A brief Google search allayed my suspicions. I entered “Hermester” and
found 305 entries for Hermester Barington, a Top 1000 Amazon reviewer of
books such as “Underground Bases and Tunnels: What Is the Government
Trying to Hide?” and “Fairies: Real Encounters With Little People.” The
title of his “Fairies” review is “A good collection of accounts, with
insufficient theory.”
(Side note: I have become paranoid. I
changed some of the names in my article in case Whitless ends up on a
search engine, and my gentle letter writers find me out. I had to keep
“Hermester” and “Jek Porkins,” though. I feel comfortable that Jek
Porkins will not find me, because a Google search on his name popped up
“Results 1-100 of about 1,520.” It turns out, according to the second
search result, that “Jek Porkins was a free trader from the Bestine
system. On his homeworld of Bestine IV, he perfected his piloting and
gunnery skills.” Normally I would worry about his “gunnery skills” out of
concern for my safety, but the Bestine System is light-years away, thank
God.)
My letter to Mr. Barington needed to be more carefully crafted, because I
sensed, subtly, that he might be a bit smitten with Sarah -- was he
planning a liason? -- and I didn’t want to string him along.
Dear Hermester,
Im sorry to take so long in responding to your nice email about my
Amazon reviews. I went to visit my niece and had a nice time
there. Im glad you live in such nice mountains. Mine get too much
snow in the winter but Im not lonely so much now since Ive been
getting out and volunteering at the hospital. The book How To
Goodbye Depression was very helpful and I have become good friends
with the man who gave it to me. His name is Ashra. He is an
alternative medicine practitioner here. I have not heard of Zephyr
but will make sure to ask Ashra since he knows more about music than
I do.
From Sarah |
In
continuing our communiques, I do not want to deceive these people. But I
also want to repair the grief I may have caused them -- Sasha in
particular. If they write back, I don't think Sarah will reply.
It is enough for them to know that Sarah is okay, that her depression was
just a spell, and that she has reached beyond herself and found comfort in
becoming a part of the lives of others.
And I hope that you, too, have been touched by Sarah's story. We all have
spent our lonely times -- perhaps not in the mountains, but as Sarah put
it, "No matter how hard you try to keep loved ones around because of this
or that they fall away." Who hasn't felt that, from time to time?
The key is to keep active. Is there a book club in your area? Perhaps
some volunteer work for a local charity might be just the fix.
"Hell is other people," someone significant said, somewhere. But they're
our heaven as well.
Just ask Sarah.
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